


The Year that never was (By the Dreadwolf)

by djs_Etain254



Series: Sulahn'nehn, numin la lath [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Blood, Dark, F/M, Feels, Year That Never Was, so much blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 05:18:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3965851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/djs_Etain254/pseuds/djs_Etain254
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year that the Inquisitor skipped in "Hushed Whispers", Solas POV. Referrs to "By the Dreadwolf" (my other fic where it originally came from)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Year that never was (By the Dreadwolf)

**Author's Note:**

> Was originally chapter 8 in my other fic "By the Dreadwolf", took it out though, rewrote and rwposted it seperately thought. Guess it's a little more fitting when it's not in there. Was prevented anyway and whoever is not into this kind of angsty, bloody stuff can leave it out more easily. Got a little shorter than the previous version, but I think also a little more intense. At least that was what I intended. And I hope the way I wrote it isn't too confusing.
> 
> The chapter was inspired by "Wednesday 13 - Curse of me". I will post the lyrics below aswell as translations.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Every view, kudos and comment will be appreaciated and celebrated. <3

Etain was lying in my arms, blood spilling from numerous wounds. Her body twitched, fighting the inevitable. “Breath. It will be all right.” My voice was betraying me.

She had sacrificed herself for me. Me: her nightmare in shining armour. It was all my fault and innocents had to pay the price for it. Etain had to pay the price for it.

She had been so fierce, so determined although still badly injured from defending Haven. When the hostile forces had almost overwhelmed us, she didn't give up. Not once. Not even now. She had inspired the men, the women, the soldiers and workers. She had inspired me. Etain had _believed_ in me, both Fen'harel and Solas. Both had failed her.

If I had only kept more distance... But I was weak. I had been drawn to her from the first moment. Whether due to her faith or something else I couldn't say. She had brought forth a hope in me, that I had assumed long lost. She had been so open minded.

Again I was grieving for something I didn't know had been so important. Until now - now that she was dying. Etain reached for me weakly. I seized her hand, painting comforting circles onto her bloodied knuckles.

“Dareth ma'arlath” Her hoarse whisper hardly reached my ears. Time stopped. How could she even feel this way? She didn't deserve this. I took everything from her: Her future, her dreams and now her life. I should have never allowed this. It was all my fault. Gently I stroked a blood caked strand of hair behind her ear. “Vhenan.”, I whispered back. Emotions I had sealed away so diligent broke free at the imminence of loss. This woman had marked me in so many ways.

There was not much I could do for her, but I wouldn't leave her. Her life was fading, but she would not be alone. This fragile, fierce dalish didn't deserve to be forgotten on a battlefield. No. I was here, she was not alone.

When Cullens' faith had begun to falter, she had begun to fight even more fiercely. She had sealed her fate the moment the Herald had vanished. She had been determined to avenge and if necessary die, fighting for freedom. Such strong will. I had never been this brave.

A sequence of ill considered decision had brought us here, to so many unnecessary deaths. Cullen. Cassandra. Blackwall and so many others. Eventually it would also be me. Their efforts had been meaningless. Powerless as I was I could only watch everyone fight what I had caused. I could only watch as they we're ripped apart by my pride.

 

Etain formed my name in a muted whisper, feeble fingers brushed my cheek. Gently I bent lowe, enclosing her lips in a soft kiss. The first time our breaths mixed, the first time I tasted her. There would not be a second time. Proud wolf, you were such a fool.

A tear rolled down the side of her face, slowly crimsoning before it disappeared from view. “Breath. Everything will be fine.” Faintly she shook her head, forcing a reassuring smile, while blood began to trickle from the corner of her mouth.

Nothing would ever be all right again. The troops of the Inquisition had been wiped out. Most of the inner circle had fallen, just as the herald herself. Now Corypheus' was about to rise to godhood, or maybe he had already succeeded. It didn't matter any more. Thedas was lost: Ferelden overrun by Red Templars and demons. Tevinter risen from the chaos that was raging through Orlais. The world I had come to know came to an end. The land was drowning in blood and shattered by war. In the same way it had been such a long time ago. Only this time _I_ had caused it and there was no way for me to end it. The orb, the source to my power lay in Corypheus corrupted claws.

 

 

“Ma ghilana mir din'an” She struggled with the words. Taking a deep breath I began channelling my magic. It was all I could do for her. My last gift, after everything I had caused.

The spell snaked through Etains' veins, easing her pain and slowing her heartbeat until she stilled. “Fen'harel enansal. Ar lasa mala revas.” I whispered through heavy breaths, watching her eyes flutter shut. Everything that had ever grown dear to me, had come to a point where I was forced to end it. This was my curse and she had not been spared.

 

“Finish it.”, Etain had whispered as she had shielded me from a red templars' deadly blow. What did she see in me that was worth saving? What made her think that _me,_ of all people, deserved her sacrifice? One unheeding moment and the templar had already struck and her small frame sank to the ground.

Now everything that was left were Cullens' troops scattered around us, soaking the air with the taste of copper. They had been attempting to assault Redcliffe after Haven was lost. The commander had been holding against the enemy for weeks with hardly any pause. Memories were all that remained and not many to remember them.

 

Now I was pacing a damp cell somewhere below Redcliffe. Plated hands had pulled me away from the red stained terrors surrounding me only to expose me to yet another crimson nightmare. I could feel the lyrium consorting with the ceaseless grief and slowly dulling my senses.

Along with the corruption, cognition crept through my veins: I was going to die. _Alone._

 

**Author's Note:**

> First the translations:
> 
> Dareth ma'arlath: be safe my love  
> Vhenan: heart  
> Ma ghilana mir din'an: Guide me into death  
> Fen'harel enansal: normally "Fen'harels' blessing", but "enansal" can also mean "gift" and at this part I wanted to go with "Fen'harels' gift"  
> Ar lasa mala revas: Your are (now) free / I give you freedom
> 
> More to the song I chose:  
> I absolutely adore it and also the "nightmare in shining armor" is such a wonderful and dramatic picture. Alltogether it kind of made me think of Solas. I thought it fits the gloomy, dark subject and some parts actually suit Solas quite well, at least as I judge him. What do you think? 
> 
> Take your breath  
> I rob you of your life  
> Oh how I love to see you cry  
> I'm your nightmare in shinning armor  
> Bringing horror
> 
> Your screams can't penetrate my insecurities  
> My heart stopped beating  
> When you first said that you loved me
> 
> And now I hold you close to me  
> But I still don't feel a thing  
> You're so cold and blue  
> And now I must forget you
> 
> Some things are worth dying for  
> And baby that ain't me  
> I'm sorry that you couldn't escape  
> This curse of me
> 
> Tonight I hold you one more time  
> With the stench of formaldehyde  
> You're my darkest secret  
> And in my crawl space is where I'll keep it
> 
> Your hopes and dreams  
> Won't ever see the light of day  
> I took your beauty, your purity  
> And locked it all away
> 
> And now I hold you close to me  
> But I still don't feel a thing  
> You're so cold and blue  
> And now I must forget you
> 
> Some things are worth dying for  
> And baby that ain't me  
> I'm sorry that you couldn't escape  
> This curse of me
> 
> This curse of me  
> This curse  
> This curse of me


End file.
